Beautiful Insanity

This year has been a lot already

The last 10 days have been a little insane on multiple levels. I’ve driven nearly 900 miles, slept in 4 cities, spent time with people from 5 different decades of my life – and it was all glorious. I’ve already written about my trips to Birmingham and Asheville. This weekend’s trip was 24 hours in Charleston, SC.

My Anam Cara Kym and I were together 3 weeks ago and somehow the topic of Fernado Ortega came up. He is a singer/songwriter from Santa Fe, New Mexico. We both love his music. While we were chatting, Kym googled him to see if he ever plays live on our side of the world. Lo and behold he was going to be in Charleston on Saturday, March 1^st. Well, that is just 5 hours from my house. And I went to high school there. And Kym and her husband used to live near there. “WE HAVE TO GO!” So we bought tickets, made a hotel reservation, and off we went. (Never mind that Kym would be in New Orleans from Tuesday to Friday that week or that I would have just gotten back from Bruce’s Asheville memorial service or that we’d already seen each other 3 times in 4 weeks. We’re going!)

On the long drive from Kennesaw to Charleston, we did what we do…talk. Talk and talk and talk. We talked about the nature of friendship. What does it mean to be someone’s person (a la Meredith and Christina from Grey’s Anatomy.) Are there levels of being that person? We articulated the ways different people play different “person” roles during different seasons. My friend Paula recently remarked that I have an amazing group of friends around me. (For the record, she is included in that group.) She could not be more right. The thing about my people is that they are incredibly dependable. They show up whether we talk every day or see each other once in 5 years. I do well to pause regularly and give thanks for each of them. I pray that they can depend on me the way I can depend on them.

Later the conversation shifted to the nature of love and attraction. I am suddenly single at 58. This was never in the plan. Bruce was older than me and had some health problems I don’t have. I thought I would probably outlive him, but I always imagined that would be later – in my 70’s or 80’s. Not now. We talked our way through a myriad of scenarios from

a) my remaining single and content (as I am now),

b) finding a casual partner (or two or three) to have fun going out and experiencing life,

c) to finding a new spouse.

I was 23 the last time I went on a first date. The person I am now hardly resembles the girl who said yes back then. I reminisced about my younger self’s lack of skills or any version of self-confidence. Kym said “Well that has all changed – you know how delightful you are!” I laughed until I cried. On some level she’s right. On my best days I do know how delightful I am. The problem is simply that not all days are my best days.

Anyway, we talked about what I might be looking for in a new companion of any level. We eventually concluded that what attracts us to people has almost nothing to do with physiology and almost everything to do with who we are when we are with them. (That is not to discount chemistry – I mean, come on, some people just make your heart beat faster.) That being said, the most attractive people in my world are the people who see the best in me and call that out. They are those who bring out the best version of ourselves just by believing that version exists.

This attraction – being inexplicably drawn to someone – applies not only to romantic partners, but also to friends – specifically friends who become family. Paula is right – I do have an amazing support group. That didn’t just happen. As I’ve tended to my mental health over the last two decades, I have intentionally cultivated connections with those of you who bring out the best in me. If I like who I am when we are together, I can’t help but want more time together. Inversely, if being with you brings out the ugly in me, I’m not likely to put much effort into staying in touch.

So, back to Charleston. The weekend was filled with geocaching and sightseeing and amazing food including dinner with my high school BFF Deborah who still lives there. The concert itself was incredible – well worth the drive (even if it was an insane plan!) We heard Fernando Ortega, Sara Groves and Sandra McCracken on their “Arts, Music, Justice” tour. The tour is in support of IJM – the International Justice Mission. This is an important organization working to end slavery around the world. We learned that there are currently 50,000,000 (yes million) people around the world living in slavery – more than at any point in our history. Stop and absorb this truth for a moment. IJM is a group of lawyers, social workers and others who cooperate with local law enforcement around the globe to free victims of human trafficking, arrest the criminals who enslave them and make sure they are convicted. So far IJM has rescued more than 90,000 people. It is an amazing organization. You can find out more about them here:

https://www.ijm.org

The evening of sitting in the historic Cathedral of St. Luke and St. Paul on a wooden pew between my friend Kym and my friend Deborah was soul-feeding. The space is gorgeous with its stained glass and ornate chancel, wooden floors and pews polished by time and incredible acoustics. The music was not only beautiful, but filled with words of encouragement and challenge from scripture and from lived experience.

One song, in particular, spoke to me about the challenges we (people who love Jesus) are facing in our country today. Sandra McCraken led us in singing “Why Don’t We.”

If the Father is quick to love, quick to love why aren’t we?
If the Father is quick to love, quick to love why aren’t we?
We who have had much forgiven
Should give as we receive
But we withhold amazing grace
And shame the wretch like me
If the father’s quick to love, why aren’t we?

If the Spirit comes in peace, comes in peace why don’t we?
If the Spirit comes in peace, comes in peace why don’t we?
We who have been reconciled
Should love our enemies
But we’re too consumed by wrongs and rights
To see both sides of things
If the Spirit comes in peace, why don’t we?

If the Son laid down his pow’r, laid down his pow’r why won’t we?
If the Son laid down his pow’r, laid down his pow’r why won’t we?
He who chose to spend his days
Among the least of these
He who breathed his dying breath
Hung between two thieves
He who sits upon the throne
Is He who washed our feet

If the Son laid down his pow’r, why won’t we?
If the Spirit comes in peace, why don’t we?
If the Father is quick to love, then why aren’t we?

Why won’t we? Why don’t we? Why aren’t we?

Really good, really important questions for me to be asking myself right now. It is so easy for me to slip into righteous anger or overwhelming despair daily watching what is happening in our country. If you, like me, were ever bullied in middle school, then I bet watching the White House meeting with President Zelensky last week was triggering for you. It sure was for me. I pray every day for our leaders to have courage and wisdom. I pray that I, along with all the other Jesus-followers out here, will live our faith loudly and boldly in defense of “the least of these.” I pray that God will protect our planet from the unimaginable nightmare that would be World War III.

As I pray, I’m remembering Nadia Bolz-Weber’s advice to ask myself these three questions every morning:

What is mine to do and not mine to do?

What is mine to say and not mine to say?

What is mine to care about and not mine to care about?

So, as you can read, God got my attention in the Beautiful Insanity that was my last 10 days. I’m praying for you, too. That God will guide us, challenge us, make our paths clear in the days ahead.

Some of you have asked about the phrases I often use to sign off these missives. They are 2 Swahili phrases taught to me by my Kenyan friends and one Hebrew phrase used by the Psalmist.

Nakupenda Sana means “I love you very much.”

Bwana Asifiwe means “The Lord Be Praised.”

Selah – well, this one is harder to translate. It is often found at the end of a Psalm – it can be a musical direction, indicate a pause, or mean something akin to amen. For me, it means “Dear God, let it be so.”

So,

Nakupenda Sana my Beloveds.

Bwana Asifiwe

Selah

Cathy

PS, you can find more info about the artists mentioned at their websites: www.sandramccraken.com, www.fernandoortega.com, and www.saragroves.com